The Hidden Factors in Relationships and Communication

For decades, we have viewed relationship obstacles
through a flawed lens, one that fails to capture a vivid
picture of the real sources of connection and disconnection.
This book looks at your communication skills under
the microscope, revealing previously hidden answers to
the things that go wrong. When we look at communication
from a moment-to-moment perspective, as scientific
brain technologies now enable us to do, we can see
that what really keeps people engaged with one another
lies beneath the surface. It is our nonverbal communication,
the language of emotional intelligence, that keeps
our relationships strong and healthy. While every relationship
is unique, it has become apparent that there
are five distinct parts to a communication process that
builds emotional intelligence and helps inspire and sustain
relationships.
We now know the following:
◆ The most powerful forms of communication contain
no words and take place at a much faster rate than
speech.
◆ One person’s stress can block the communication
process until both people again feel safe and can
focus on one another.
The adhesive that holds the communication process
together is an emotional exchange triggered by primary
biological emotions that include anger, sadness,
fear, and joy.
◆ The ability to be playful translates into staying
power. Mutual fun and joy enables relationships
to thrive in the face of stressful and challenging
situations.
◆ With the preceding nonverbal skills in place, conflict
can be flipped into opportunity, building trust by
quickly repairing instances of rupture.